It’s
raining.
It has been
for a while.
The droplets
trickle making a sound of a clock ticking.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
But maybe it’s
not a clock. Maybe it’s a time bomb.
Who cares!
I cannot
remember the last time I sat down
on one of the
chairs in Hyde park with that kid.
It must have
been eons ago because
I don’t
remember his name.
I played
tricks with his mind and weaved a web of lies
between us
until the threads could not hold us together.
Now I don’t
know who fooled who.
All I know
is that I lied to us both.
Ha, the
irony!
Oh I just happened
to remember that monologue
while walking
past the park and watching an Asian
couple sitting
on the ground frantically searching for something.
Maybe it’s
her ring they lost in the grass and maybe it’s not.
But what the
fuck do I care.
I wore mine
only for five weeks then threw it safely into a box
and locked
it away.
It was a
child’s play for me that made me laugh.
I still laugh
sometimes.
While walking
I realize,
I am wearing
those black boots today that have a zip by the side of
their laces
so I never have to tie them.
That’s
called convenience motherfuckers.
I am also
wearing a chain around my neck.
Its pendent
says “God” in Arabic.
Maybe he’s
with me. Maybe he’s not.
That’s one
thing I care about but often neglect to see it.
I am grateful.
Truly I am
because I
fell asleep for a few minutes in the afternoon today.
I told my
mum that I loved her after I woke up and ate lots of carbs.
I am truly
enjoying the people in my life these days.
They are
different to the ones I had couple of years back.
Would I have
a different set of people next year in my life?
Oh I don’t
know. All I know is that figs are a blessing from heavens.
I am eating
them with a loaf of bread and wondering
“What if I crashed
an Oldsmobile 442 into a Tree?”
But unlike
Jackson Pollock, my paintings are not complete.
They
certainly don’t cost millions.
So then what’a
fucking point of dying early?
One would
say “ Isn't sleep enough?”
But then I
almost never sleep so what the fuck would I know?
All I know
is that I am not in agreement with death these days.
It’s a good
sign. It just means I am happy.
Oh by the
way, I've just written you all a love letter.
I hope you
read it.
Truly.
