All encompassing

I feel forced to obey you.

And I think to myself

“Aren’t disappointments in life enough?”

She thinks. She stutters. She whispers.

She carried an ounce of him for a few weeks

in her womb and she could not even bring herself

to tell him.

She was left to figure it out all on her own.

You’re callous. You’re kind. You’re all encompassing.

Who am I to question your paradigms

when my own deeds define my own past.

I cannot be left alone

and yet I cannot walk among the righteous.

They’ve drawn the line. They all stand on one end.

On the other, it is I.

To what end shall I consider my fate stand crumbling?

She deceived herself. She felt loved.

Then she stumbled across the only truth worth knowing.

I’ve felt it. I’ve touched it. I’ve tasted it.

Yet I’m confused.

Would you just let me go on and let it be

the way it all is?

Or would it all end one day

and I’ll start another life to see yet another era?

Could you just… would you just…

Hold me alone. Hold me close. Hold me still.

I’ve been too happy and I’m afraid,

I may run into a wall.

15^th January 2013